Um.

Hey guys! I uhhhh soooo I move in to college tomorrow. No big deal. Not freakin out at all…..

Actually…just kidding. I'm freakin out a lot. I'm so nervous but not about everything. See I'm looking forward to meeting new people and my living with my roommate, I'm super excited about being with my brother and sister (and possibly another sister soon), and I just LOVE being on top of a mountain. No, what I'm freakin out about is school. I had the horrible sinking feeling last night that I'm just going in to something that's WAYYYY over my head. I'm an art major (for photography) and my first class is Intro to Drawing. I CAN'T DRAW. I'm so scared I'm not gonna be good enough. And I know that's stupid and God has made me with the talents I have…but I'm still scared. And then my brother told me that we have to do seat auditions for orchestra and just play a piece…guys. I haven't practiced all summer. And I HATE playing by myself in front of people. I just do. I'd rather hide in a group. So I'm freaking out about that…what if the piece I play is too simple? What if I try a hard one and completely mess up? What if I completely fail at the sight reading? I'm gonna be nervous and sweaty and shakey. It's not gonna be good.

So yeah. Please pray for me if you think about. Haha I'm just a little nervous….

being real.

I don't like goodbyes

cuz I know what I'm leaving behind

and hello's make me nervous

cuz I don't know what's to come...

"And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?"

God, I really hope You have some nice big plan where this turns out ok. That would be great.

"What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life
…How could you know if you don't even try?"

-Coldplay, What If

How can you want change so much yet at the same time can't imagine things being any different?

Words of life? Or words of death.

This is something that's been on my heart for a while now. It's the matter of words.

Take yourself back with me to a time. A time when maybe you were with your friends, maybe you were with family, wherever you were, someone found something to pick on about you and it seemed everyone and their mother decided it would be hilarious to laugh and pick on you. Maybe you just laughed it off as no big deal, or maybe you showed hurt then. Either way, you remembered it. And it could've been about something that no one had ever mentioned before, or it could've been something you've had to deal with your entire life. Go to another time. A time where someone just said a passing comment that seemed to be unnoticed, but you remembered. And it ate at you, and made you feel unimportant or shot down.

Now go back one more time. To a time when something like that happened, but instead, one person said one little thing. Maybe it was huge, maybe it was a passing comment. But that one thing made you for once feel like not everyone was pitted against you. That one comment showed that at least one person didn't feel the need to pick on you for something and stood up for you.

These are what I call words of life or death. Because listen. It's things like this, that slowly, over time, really get to you. You may think that whatever you said was no big deal...they laughed it off! They'll be ok! But that could've been the 100th time that person heard that that day, or the 1st of 100 times they'll hear it this week. And it adds up. Quickly, slowly, either way. It adds. And maybe, just maybe, that 100th time was the straw that broke the camel's back. It was the last time that person ever wanted to hear that said again, so to solve the problem, they do something drastic. From not talking to people, to hiding in a mask, even to the extreme…killing themselves. You may be saying, oh c'mon on Rachael…aren't you being a little extreme? NO! Just think about it for a minute! Think about when you've felt that way!

So this is my challenge. Are you going to choose to be the person that goes against? That stands up for someone, or encourages them instead of bringing them down?

Are you going to speak words of life, or words of death?

God knows something I don't….

…and you say "well DUH Rachael.." But how often do we forget?

Francis Chan is definitely one of my favorite writers. PLEASE take the time to watch this.

what am i thinking? art major??? yeah good one rachael. you're gonna die.

My God is bigger than the "realities" of this life. If He wants it done, He'll do it.

I. JUST. WANNA. BE. DONE.

"I don't want be adored

Don't want to be first in line

Or make myself heard

I'd like to bring a little light

To shine a light on your life

To make you feel loved"

-Keane

I must forgive because He forgave me.

I must love, because He loves me.

Rebel.

I know in our day, 'rebel' means 'sinner'.
But everyone is sinning, so it's no longer rebellious to sin!
Jesus was a rebel who was counter-cultural.

You're just a conformist if you're drunk and naked, and driving around on a motorcycle, smoking cigarettes and breaking commandments and getting pregnant out of wedlock.

Everyone's done that!

That's so tired.

If you really want to be a rebel, read your Bible, because no one's doing that.

That's rebellion.

That's the only rebellion left!

-Rebel, Lecrae

A little journal entry.

"March 31st:

Well, I’m sitting on the plane, flying over to Berlin. There so much that I could write but i don’t know where to start. So far the trip has been easy and uneventful. Actually it’s been a real big blessing. I’ve seen God already on this trip. Even with the simple things like 1: not having to sit next to a creeper and 2: actually not sitting next to anyone! Yes that’s right. I have no seat buddy. AND I’m in the front of a section so in front of me is a wall. :) Not half bad if I say so myself.

On a bit more serious or deeper level, I love flying on cloudy day because as you break through the clouds and get into the atmosphere above, it’s so refreshing. It’s reminded me that even during the biggest storms, we forget that the sun is still shining. I tend to think oh the sun is gone...it’s cloudy. But it’s not. If it was gone, it would be completely and utterly dark. And awful. But nope, it’s still up there above the clouds, shining as bright as it ever does. Don’t we do that with God too? We like to think that when things are bad, or “cloudy”, that’s He just decided not to be in our lives anymore. You know, just taking a break or something. But that’s COMPLETELY a lie. He is there as much as He ever is. He’s shining down into our lives whether we feel like it or not. We just have to get our heads up out of the troubles and look to Him. And if we can’t do that, to just keep persevering till those clouds go away and there’s a beautiful burst of sunshine. And who knows? He might even surprise you with a rainbow every once in a while. :)

That’s my little inspiration bit right there. :) Hope it reminds you of something you need to remember, and through sharing the ways I’ve seen God, you can see Him too. Cuz He’s there. All the time. We just sometimes forget.

My prayer for this trip though is that I can see God in a big way. That He would show up big and knock me off my feet. And that the people I talk to and get to know will also see Him big. And while I’m seeing Berlin through the lens of a camera, that I can see God and his beauty. i think my theme for this trip will be “you make beautiful things out of dust” and looking to find those beautiful things in what may seem to be the broken parts of Berlin. Or even to find the beauty in things that were made by men. Men that were made from the dust of the ground.

Anyway, I’m gonna peace out and hope that the next time I’m writing will be in a nice bed in Berlin. :)"

Well, unfortunately, I never had time to journal while I was there…but hopefully I'll be able to process and write my thoughts after the trip….But it was a completely AWESOME trip….one that is very hard to explain…But I'll try my hardest.

"On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace
All my fears swept away
In the light of Your embrace
Where Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence healed and whole
Let the songs of heaven
Rise to You alone
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/h/hillsong_united/you_hold_me_now.html ]
No weeping no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now
You hold me now

In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails
Where Your Name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name
I'm believing for the day

Where the wars and violence cease
All creation lives in peace
Let the songs of heaven
Rise to You alone

For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your Name"

You Hold Me Now-Hillsong

I LOVE this song. Holding fast to those truths now. So thankful that sweet little Emma Cameron is no longer suffering, in pain, and struggling on life on earth. Praying that Jesus is holding her in His arms. Please be praying for this girl's family, her sister and dad. Her mom passed away a couple of years ago from cancer too. Can't even begin to imagine the hurt. Please be praying for all who loved her and were touched by her, especially my good friends the Stewarts.

"And we KNOW, that in ALL thing, God works together for good…" and "that He knows the plans He has for us…"

I don't have time to write a lot but just wanted to say it's finally here!!! the day i go to germany! :) i'm super excited and hopeful that God is going to show up big on this trip! Please be praying for me and the team!

please pray for

-safe and uneventful travels for me and everyone else (i'm flying by myself for the first time)

-gorgeous weather while we're there (or just good. but gorgeous would be awesome)

-team unity as we work together and encourage one another

-the God would do mighty and big things as we reach out to the artist community

Thanks so much guys!

That phrase.

That phrase the I hate. And am so tired of. You know the one…. "This could be the last time I ____" I feel like I'm thinking that all to often these days. And the worst part is that I have no idea when I'm leaving…only possibilities. Possibilities that seem like they're gonna work but then seem so impossible looking back on them. It's so draining to go through it again and again. When friends go off to college, when I say goodbye to family members for "the last time", but then end up seeing them a few weeks or months later where I then again say goodbye. So in light of that, part of me just wants to go ahead and go. To just get out. And I don't feel in place anymore. There are very few places and situations where I feel comfortable and connected anymore. I don't know how it happened, but it has. And it's not the whole "I don't belong so I'm really depressed" feeling…it's just recognizing that and feeling the need to move on. Maybe it could be depressing if I really took a minute to have a pity party, but I'm trying not to. I'm looking at the positive and praying that God will use this to make change easier. But in everything, it's good to remember God's promises. That He knows the plans He has for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future.

"All things new
I can start again
Creator, God
Calling me Your friend
Sing praise, my soul
To the Maker of the skies
A song will rise

I will sing a song of hope
Sing along
God of heaven come down
Heaven come down
Just to know You and be loved is enough
God of heaven come down, heaven come down…"

-Song of Hope

Well. I'm auditioning tomorrow. And I'm super nervous. Cuz I HATE playing in front of people. I get all shakey and my hands get sweaty…It's bad. But I'm praying that God will calm my nerves and allow me to perform my best and we'll see how that goes. Just if you think about it you can just send up a little prayer around 3 for me tomorrow :) Thanks!

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me…" Phillipians 4:13

"Help me if you can I'm feelin down, and I do appreciate you bein round…"

Listening to the Beatles all morning for SCHOOL. That's what's up. Tori Steyne, be jealous. :P

Friend.

Just have time for a short post today….

A couple of weeks ago, our youth leader taught a very powerful lesson on what a true friend is. It really made me see where I lack in being a friend to others and how important it is to do whatever it takes to keep those solid friends in your life. He gave us this definition and I wanted to share it with you! :)

Friend: A trustworthy peer with whom we mutually choose to lovingly live with and have a unique access and service for God's glory and our mutual good.

The Golden Rule.

So you know those things that you hear ALL your life and you think it means one thing, and then suddenly you realize it actually means something else? Well I had one of those moments today in Sunday School. With the Golden Rule. Everyone knows it: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." I've always kinda thought of that as "if you want someone to give you the first turn, the last bite, and the best seat, you should give THEM the first turn, the last bite, and the best seat." It's always struck me as kinda selfISH, but everyone seemed to tell you to do it like it was a selfLESS thing. But today, I realized the true meaning. If I was in a situation with, ohhh let's say Trey, it's not me saying, what would I wanna get out of this? And then give Trey that. No. It's me putting myself in Trey's shoes and thinking, "What would I, Trey, need in this situation?" And then turning around and helping Trey achieve that.

I hope that makes sense. But it was one of those things that I was just like "ohhhhhh! oh my gosh that's so cool!" I hope that doesn't make me completely like blonde for just realizing that, but I was excited. :)

Eternity is just going to be ridiculous.

"Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

Revelation 21:3-4

Whatever you're doing right now, I want you to stop. I want you to think about things you don't normally think about. To get your head up above you, your life, your friends, and what the latest new thing is. Think about the universe. Think about time and space. Think about your body. And think about the God who created all of it. Cuz I can assure you, those things didn't just happen. Think farther than tomorrow, next week, or five years from now. Look at your life through God's eyes. Then hopefully when you come back down, the new latest thing won't seem that important. Whatever she said bad about you won't seem as hurtful. That "perfect" guy going after another girl won't seem like the end of the world. Maybe we can get our focus back to where it should be. And put our problems back into perspective.

Now go take minute and think.

The cure.

I wrote this while journaling a couple months ago (yeah I actually journaled once!) but thought I would share it…So maybe it's not exactly correct, but it's makes the point. A point that I so often don't want to hear. But need to hear.

"The thing that I am most selfish about is my faith. I have the SAVING GRACE of Jesus Christ and I don’t share it with others. I don’t wanna talk about it because I am afraid of how I’ll look. But it’s like this. Compare it to this. There is a town that is dyeing from a disease. The longer it lasts the worse it gets. But a doctor, a great physician, knows the cure. He is the only that can save them. So, He sends his son to the town with the cure and some accept is and are healed, but others reject the son, and go so far as to kill him. But before he died he told the nurses he had trained with the cure that they are to spread it to everyone! What do you think they would do? Give as much of it out as they can right? Proclaim it from every radio, TV, and internet site that they have found the cure! But no. Instead they are afraid that people will reject them. Which is a valid fear. They saw the rejection of the doctor’s son. They see that people are so accustomed to the disease that is killing them that they don’t want a cure. So the nurses keep it to themselves. Everyday they are surrounded by people that so badly need the cure. But they don’t give it out. There are even people waiting for something, but because the nurses don’t try they never knew that those people needed it. That seems silly doesn’t it? Don’t you just want to yell at those nurses? I do! Give the people the freakin cure before they die! But this is us. Every. Single. Day. Yes, there are some of us that aren’t truly like that and we aren’t afraid to spread the gospel, but to extent there is that fear in all of us. I know for myself that I am so terribly scared of sharing my faith. I’m scared of rejection, I’m scared of telling it wrong, I’m scared of not having the answers. But I have to have FAITH that God is in control. He is bigger than our mistakes! There is a verse that says something like the hearing of God’s word never is in vain. TRUST GOD. He is bigger. And His will will be done."

I just wanna go home.

"People ask me where I am heading after school, what field I am interested in, and etc. etc. I tell everyone, "Missions Photography". If you do not know what that is, it is basically documenting missionaries, their work, and the people group they are trying to reach, while I myself am apart of ministering in whatever way I can. I love photography, but I love people more. I don't think a job is worth more than a human life. I believe a human life is what makes a job worth doing and doing well. I have always believed that whatever job you do, you should do it for something more than self-ambition."

Dude. Found this on a photographer's blog. He just basically took the thoughts right out of my head. I need to meet this kid.

This was in a book I'm reading for school….

"It [is] not good being 'rather' or 'to some extent' religious. Because either Jesus rose on Easter Day-or he did not. And if he really did rise from the dead, if he really died for our sake-then the this is so overwhelming that it must permeate our entire life…"

Ever feel torn? Like you're in the middle of two groups, but don't completely belong to either? It's so hard. It's hard being in the middle, but feeling more to one group but not wanting to offend the other. It's hard being in the middle when you want to equally spend time with each but things conflict. It's exhausting trying to juggle both.

God is good. All the time.

And all the time. God is good. Even in those times where we think we know it all, and wonder why He's letting things happen, guess what? We don't know it all. And He knows exactly what's going on and what's gonna come out of it. Praise God. He's pretty much awesome.

*Note: Once again, before I start talking, I just want to mention that the things I say are things that just stand out to me. I don't think I'm any better than anyone else, or that I don't do the very things I hate. Just wanted to make sure that's clear…I hope that I don't offend anyone or step on any toes, but then again, I almost hope I do. In a good way. A way that wakes us up and causes change.

So. Something that's really been bothering me. There's a lot of stuff (crap) that goes on with my group of friends. Yes, I know. That's natural. We're human. But this group of friends is one that I really respect and feel encouraged by because I know they are all my brothers and sisters in Christ. I know that if I need prayer or anything, I can just ask. But. What bothers me is that even though they are all awesome people, we bring each other down. We find the little things, or use people's past, and then talk about it. We judge, we gossip, and there's so much miscommunication and hurt that goes on. Guys. THIS IS YOUR FAMILY. Your brothers and sisters in Christ. Don't you think we get enough from people who aren't Christians? Shouldn't we try to put differences aside, and create a place where we know we are accepted for who we are? This is our role as Christians. We are a body. How is a the body of Christ supposed to fight the world when it's constantly fighting itself?

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace…" Ephesians 4:2-3

"Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up…May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God." Romas 15:2, 5-6

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. and over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Colossians 3:12-14

I know it sounds so much easier said than done. And I know nothing in this world is going to be perfect. But I realllly believe that we can work on this and improve. It's hard. Trust me. I know it is. It's hard to forgive. But we have GOT to stop tearing each other apart and bringing each other down!